Monday, November 24, 2014

Wisniewski Suspended 8 Games Because Lucic Can't Cope

Today James Wisniewski of the Columbus Blue Jackets was suspended for eight games by the Department of Player Safety.  NHL spokesman Steve Questor noted that Milan Lucic's inability to cope with negativity was becoming a serious embarrassment to the NHL, and that the Department of Player safety felt that suspending Wisniewski was a reasonable response to the problem.

In an incident last year, Lucic made a death threat against a victorious Montreal player in the handshake line after the Bruins loss.  Last week, Lucic vowed to get revenge after Dalton Prout dropped him with one punch, stating 'the next time a linesman is holding Prout I'm going to throw two gloves at him!'

Questor said that it was time for the Department of Player Safety to act.  "By suspending Wisniewski we feel we can really send a message to Lucic that his continuing petulance is an embarrassment to the league, distasteful for the advertisers, and an affront to the ticket holders and must stop."  Questor noted that the Department of Player Safety had experienced great success with suspending Wisniewski.  Questor noted "Just look at Shanny!  He's President of the Maple Leafs!  I figure if I suspend Wisniewski, I can be President of Hockey Operations in Edmonton inside of two years.  It's a great career move for me."

When asked his opinion of the issue, Kris Pronger, newly minted member of the Department of Player Safety said 'Did you see that!  Prout dropped him with one punch!  Hell, they should have given Wisniewski 10 games because Lucic couldn't get his left glove off while he charged Prout.  It looked like he was trying to get a ball point pen to work!!  He didn't want to fight he said.  Ha, ha, ha, what a sucker play.  I love that kind of stuff.  But I'm a consensus building kind of guy, so I decided that 8 games was punishment enough for Wisniewski!"

John Davidson, when reached for comment, uttered an unintelligible remark while gazing to the heavens.  Puck Daddy commented thusly.  Yup.


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