Friday, September 13, 2013

DBJ Season Preview 2013: I Don't Hate the East...Yet

For 12 seasons the Blue Jackets called the Western Conference home. For myself, prior to the Jackets arrival in Columbus, I was a Blackhawks fan. So something very new is about to happen to me and a lot of my fellow Jacket fans...we have to work up some good bile against teams in the Eastern Conference.

No more unfriendly banter with Preds fans on twitter. No more teaching Blews fans how to properly spell Blews. No more asking Chicago fans where they were prior to 2010. It's on to a whole new batch of people to quietly annoy.

Our record since entering the league means nobody out there actually hates our team. Our one trip to the playoffs we were basically a welcome mat for sending the Wings to the second round, so we don't have any great playoff struggles to build up a good rivalry. That leaves us with taking the tack of a little brother, and try to irk people as best we (Tom fired the first shot with this little gem, it doesn't seem like it'll be too hard to get Pens fans undies in a bunch.)

As luck would have it the Wings are coming East with us, so no need to learn anything new on how to hate the Wings. The aforementioned welcome mat, numerous invasions of Nationwide, the whole Ohio-Michigan thing, we've got the Wings covered.

What about everybody else? As the season progresses I'll preview our first game against each of our new conference mates with reasons we should, can, and will hate them. For now, a one timer for each team just to get warmed up. Atlantic Division first...
  • Boston: Jeremy Jacobs and his lockout. Boooooooo Boston!!
  • Buffalo: Have you BEEN to Buffalo? Hate 'em...
  • Detroit: Red Wing aversion has been well established. Continue to hate them at your leisure.
  • Florida: They should have never fired Doug MacLean. He should still be working there, and we'd have hired somebody, ANYBODY else back in '98. Curse you Florida!
  • Montreal: Les Habitants and all their history and all those Cups...pure evil.
  • Ottawa: They don't know who Bobby Ryan, American, is?! They hate America, we shall hate them.
  • Tampa Bay: Their GM is a former Red Wing, we don't like the Wings, how can we like a former Wing? Die, Bolts, die!!
  • Toronto: Over-covered, over-hyped, and over-rated. Let the Leaf loathing begin.

Now on to our Metropolitan division brethren
  • Carolina: Peter Karmanos almost single handedly wrecked the NHL in Columbus back in April of '97. We'll cover that later, for now just know you must hate the Canes.
  • New Jersey: Recent past, Marty beat out Bob for the NHL '14 cover vote. Stupid Devils and their Internet voting fans!
  • Islanders: This might be tougher than the two Florida teams, they've been as bad as we have this whole time. It's hard to hate them, most people spend all their time making fun of them. That's it! They get made fun of more than us...SCREW YOU, ISLES!!
  • Rangers: Awwww, the Rangers. Everybody around here seems to think, "They have all these ex-Jackets, I want those nice boys to win." WRONG!! They should be despised like every other team in the East, probably more.
  • Philadelphia: Two words: Jeff Carter. Won't even be a challenge working up some good anger for the Phlyers.
  • Pittsburgh: [This comment removed for fear of upsetting a delicate Pens fan.]
  • Washington: Ovechkin's first two NHL goals came against who? Your Columbus Blue Jackets. Have had no use for Washington ever since.
That should get you started on despising every team in the Leastern Conference...some habits die hard...I mean the Eastern Conference.

1 comment:

  1. Shouldn't the fact that the Flyers were dumb enough to take Mason off our hands AND give us a player and pick in return mean we should pity them, not hate them?