Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Jared Boll to be named captain of Columbus Blue Jackets

According to multiple sources inside the team, winger and pugilist Jared Boll will be named as captain of the Columbus Blue Jackets within the next week to ten days.  Internal presumption is that Boll's ascendancy to the "C" will coincide with the end of the Columbus Blue Jackets regular season.

Excitement on Nationwide Boulevard is palpable.  One source said, "Boll exhibits the true Viking spirit every time he drops the gloves."  Another said, "Boll has been hugely popular with a team-targeted marketing demographic.  We can't wait to capitalize on his being the face of the franchise.  T-shirts with the 'BOLL KNOWS' slogan are already on order."

An eight-year veteran with the club, Boll was drafted 101st overall by the Blue Jackets in the 2005 NHL Entry Draft.  He signed his entry level contract with the CBJ in time to start the 2007-08 season in Columbus.  In 409 NHL games, Boll has 25 goals, 28 assists, 53 points, a -33 plus/minus and 1,001 PIMs.  According to HockeyFights.com, Boll has engaged in 131 regular season NHL fights and 10 preseason fights (!).  He has appeared in 21 games this season.  Boll signed a three-year contract extension with the Blue Jackets at the start of the 2013-14 training camp.

Boll will be the sixth captain in Blue Jackets franchise history, following Lyle Odelein, Ray Whitney, Luke Richardson, Adam Foote and Rick Nash.  The captaincy has been vacant since the end of the 2011-12 season when Nash was traded to the New York Rangers in the offseason, and the issue of who would be the next captain has roiled the fanbase and apparently annoyed the club for almost two years now.  Another team source, speaking on terms of strict anonymity, spoke to this frustration when they said, "We were looking for someone to shut that conversation down and keep the seat warm for Boone Jenner.  Jared's done everything we've asked of him, both on the ice and in the community.  He told us that he will gladly retire when Boone's ready, and we weren't confident that any of the other guys on the roster would do that.  Knowing the pounding that he's already taken, I'm sure Jared will look at retirement as a relief."

Boll could not be reached for comment.  Happy April Fools Day.

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