Friday, December 23, 2011

The Dark Side - 12/23/11

CBJ fans, it is time to confess your sins and repent. At some point, somewhere in the cursed history of this franchise, we as fans did something very wrong. We committed a cardinal sin, or perhaps a litany of them, that has truly pissed off the Fan Gods. Either that or we are stuck in some kind of time warp. Like the movie Groundhog's Day. Either way, we have to figure out what we did wrong and fix it.

Losing games the way the Blue Jackets have been losing games just doesn't happen to professional sports teams very often. It's bad if it happens once or twice in a season. When it happens multiple times inside of 40 games, in an increasingly unbelievable manner as it did Thursday night in Nashville, it's time to start thinking outside the box. Actually, it's time to start thinking about calling in an exorcist, but before we go to that extreme let's at least try a group act of contrition. Let's try, each and every one of us, to look deep inside, admit our transgressions and seek forgiveness. I don't know what it was that could have been so heinous to deserve what we have been subjected to this season, but it must have been bad. Really bad. And I think we need to fess up, face the music and ask for a do-over.

I will go first. I was at a game on March 20, 2003 when Tyler Wright had a hat trick. When he scored his third goal I found myself deciding if I should throw my prized CBJ hat, my 50 Mission Cap, toward the rink. We were 22 rows from the ice, behind the goal with a big net to clear, and I really didn't think my hat had a snowballs' chance in hell of making it. I didn't throw. While I was calculating the odds, my brother and my dad faithfully heaved their hats iceward. They landed about five rows in front of us, but they didn't care. I will always remember the Look of Shame that they cast upon me. Until now, I have never recounted this horrible fangression, except at every game I have since attended with my dad and my brother since they won't ever let me forget it. I now confess, in public, that I was wrong and I ask the Fan Gods to forgive me.

There. I don't know if that is going to help the Blue Jackets fix what ails them or prevent them from losing inside of ten seconds anymore, but I feel better. I feel free. Somewhat embarrassed, but free. I encourage all fans to make your confessions and ask for forgiveness, right here on the blog, in the comments below. Hopefully, whoever it was that really screwed the pooch will read this, admit their sin(s) and be forgiven. And the exit doors from hell will be cast open.


  1. A double confession: I cursed in front of kids at 2 different games years ago... one was a game Ziggy Palffy was making moves around CBJ players like it was a practice and I believe he set the single game record for points against CBJ... the other game was one where the Nucks led by Naslund and Bertuzzi had their way with the D all night. My verbal anger should not have been heard by children.

  2. Ok... I also have two. Two years ago, Easter weekend vs the Washington Capitals I wore a Caps tshirt in our barn... I know, blasphemy, but I really thought it was ok since it was a #25 Chimera shirt... Please forgive me for this first sin fan gods... Now I have second admission. At the game last year vs the Phoenix Coyotes Matty Calvert scores his third of the night, my daughter and I are sitting 8 rows off the glass and we look at each other as everyone around us is pitching their hats over the glass, and we shamefully removed our prized autographed hats and shoved them in our bag so we didn't lose them. Oh the travesty.......

  3. Personally, I think we're still paying for this bit of bad Karma from way back on New Year's Eve, 2007. (Originally posted on my now dead hockey blog , so I'll copy and paste here.)

    As I left the house last night, I grabbed a white Jackets hat off the coat rack by the door and commented to Wendy, "I hope somebody gets a hat trick tonight so I can get rid of this thing." Since the Jackets hadn't had a hatter at home since before the lockout, I figured on coming home with my most recently purchased and least favorite Jackets hat.

    Then Rick Nash netted his second of the evening, a power play goal off a rebound. A rather Nashesque goal. With only 3 minutes left and a one goal lead following that goal, myself and about 16,000 other people figured we'd see Nasher on the ice with an empty net.

    Unlike two nights earlier when Zherdev passed to Beech for the EN goal, thus passing up a hat trick of his own, Nash had nobody to pass to. His one option was to shoot it, setting off a flurry of hats from the stands. From my perch in 209 I took my hat off, looked at Wendy and said, "Honey, I get rid of this thing!" With that I launched it towards the ice.

    Physics and wind resistance pretty much ensure I'm not going to get it to the ice, so we in the upper bowl rely on the kindness and hockey mindedness of others to get our hats to the ice. I followed it as it progressed towards the ice. It took three more throws, and it got to the second row. Then the guy in the second row picked it up, looked it over, and tucked it under his arm.

    That's right, a hat destined for Rick Nash, or more specifically the hat bin in the concourse, was picked up by some cheap-ass in the second row, looked over, and determined to be a good find. On New Year's Eve, no less. If you're supposed to eat pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day for good luck, what's stealing a hat trick hat got to do for the upcoming year?

    The obvious hygiene concern of putting another, unknown person's hat on your head aside, that's just beyond poor hockey etiquette. The hockey gods will not look on this favorably, and hopefully they make the little scrote that kept Nash's hat pay and pay dearly...

  4. James, CBJunkie and Tim: what a beautiful outpouring of candid introspection. And it's funny as hell.

    Keep it coming folks.

  5. Shamefully, I believed Doug MacLean when he (many times) said it was all the referees fault. Not yelling at the refs is a continuing personal improvement project. I will re double my efforts.


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